My rock

Wow. You are amazing!

The way you work, do things your way; I love how you're so unpredictable, how you continue to surprise me!

I wanted protection; avoidance from the situation; but you knew that wasn't what I needed.

It hurt, it really hurt. But as I'm being reminded of once again, it is only when we truly acknowledge our pain and our deep disappointment, that we can truly change.

Thank you for answering me! Gently, non-'miraculously', but ever so clearly. Wow. There's so much to digest, to absorb, understand.

Self-protection is a sin; and despite what others say and do, I know it; I've known for a while now.

It hurts, but there's no other way. I just need to trust you. It's the nucleus of any relationship, and who more trustworthy than you! The more I trust in you, the less I rely on my own strength to cope. It does seem like suicide; the recipe for trouble, burn-out - everyone's telling me. But this has to be right. It's so right! So true. It's a command from you - to love extravagantly. Not hold back.

Although I'm weak; sensitive; easily hurt; through my tears, I have to vulnerably trust you and move towards other people simplybecause it's your will for me - for your people - the unhindered, unrestricted way of love.

~


"Whoever lose his life for me will save it". - Luke 9:24

I want to live up to my name.

Black and white

It's always been all or nothing with me. Reveal all, or refuse to. Spill my heart, or keep it shut.

Maybe it's time I learnt to life in grey.

Hmmm. Not an exciting prospect for an idealistic university arts student. But then I'm not an arts student anymore. How sad.

Am I compromising?

No.

Just being sensible. It's what necessary. Even over this, I'm being black and white! Unnessarily dramatic.

This is just life, I'm telling myself. What normal people do. It's part of growing up. Being discrening. Being gracious. Not saying things to people when you know they're going to throw it back in your face.

But it's a difficult step. I don't want to become closed.

Where's the love in that?





What's happening?

Times they are a-changing.

Do you really need me?

I don't want someone who needs me.

Need. Sounds romantic, but it isn't.

It's just not healthy.

That kind of dependence scares me. And not because I lack compassion, or the desire to nurture.

But in a husband? Someone I will submit to, give my life to? Someone I hope to honour, admire and respect?

Lean on me, and I will always be your support - but I'd like to be able to rest on your shoulder too - and with confidence, knowing that you've got me too.

Love me with a jealous love, a tender love, with a love that is unquenchable, unwavering, intensifying. Desire and pursue me with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Want me.

But don't need me.

2 volumes

There are some people who will always hold a special place in my heart.

That smile. Her laugh. His face. That feeling!

Past moments - captured forever.

I'll never forget you all. How I love you!

Now

Here is a nice place to be.

Persuasion

I absolutely love this book!

And I'm only halfway through.

Nothing beats Austen when it comes to capturing romance with such wit, elegance and accuracy - and so deliciously.

It's a book to be savoured. Too precious to be rushed. No one writes like this anymore.

And it's theme? Of waiting. Regret. Missed opportunities. Decisions. Possibilities. Hope.

It's all about timing. No doubt why it resonates right now.

'How eloquent could Anne Elliot have been, - how eloquent, at least, were her wishes on the side of early attachment, and a cheerful confidence in futurity, against that over-anxious caution which seems to insult exertion and distrust Providence! - She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older - the natural sequel of an unnatural beginning.'